Yesterday I woke up to the absurdity of it all. I sprang up from my afternoon nap with the firm conviction that I can't do it. I can't write a book. Those shiny, plastic covered things with words inside that I pick up from the library every few weeks - I can't make one of those! What was I thinking?
"You don't have to make one of those. The publisher will make it. You just supply the words." My husband tried to encourage me.
"But I can't supply the words! What was I thinking?" People like me don't write books.
People like me take their kids to the park and sit on a bench and watch to make sure they don't get kidnapped or climb up the outside of the playground equipment and fall off and break a bone or beat up the smaller kids or play with the drinking fountain and get their clothes soaked when it is windy and sixty degrees outside. Well, I did let them play with the drinking fountain. I felt too despondent to intervene unless it was a life-or-limb-threatening situation. When one of my major life goals suddenly seems like an utter sham I don't care what the kids do so long as it doesn't cause permanent damage.
Gradually, watching the older ones fly kites and the younger ones roll down the grassy hill softened me up enough to laugh with them. We went home and built a fire in our new fire-pit in the back yard, toasted hot dogs and marshmallows, and then I sat out by the dying coals with a book in my hand.
This morning I woke up and knew what to do. Before my nap yesterday I'd been re-writing chapter ten and had taken a wrong turn. One of the characters had done something completely contrary to his personality that threw a wrench in the rest of the plot. Easily fixed, now that I realize what the problem was. I'm back to work!
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6 comments:
Woo hoo! Great post- you're definitely a writer. You can't fool us. ;) I'm glad that things are back on track. You can do it! And you WILL!
If nothing before had convinced me you were a good writer, (and I was already convinced, but for the sake of this comment, let's just say I wasn't) That post would have. Everyone gets discouraged. It is a sign of genius. Or at least, a artistic temperament. All discouragement means is that you're trying to make a good book. Not that I'm trying to encourage discouragement. That would be...discouraging. But I think it all part of the process. Without the proper amount of frustration for the welfare of your story, it turns out flat and uncared for. Like a flower. If you don't work on it, down on your hands and knees pulling out weed after weed because weeds never stop, your flower can bloom, and even be pretty, but not even a tenth of the beauty it would have had, had you bent your back.
I congratulate you for overcoming that. It can be hard. and soon you'll have that really great feeling when you see your bouquet (which is, metaphorically, your book.)
You have inspired me. I love your writing style and can't wait to see your book on a shelf.
(ps, I liked your title, it was poetic.)
gee...I can't believe I just used a 'like a flower' metaphor. It worked and all, but now I feel like I should be wearing a orchid in the lapel of my dress suit and speaking to my relief society about the dangers of losing their virtue. (I go to a singles ward)
I feel...old beyond my years
dum dum duuuuuum!
Like a flower, sometimes the buds are as lovely as the full-blown flower, just like becoming a writer. What great bits of writing from everyone. It makes my heart happy to read comments from writers after a semester of trying to teach students to write. Thanks.
I miss all you people! I wish I lived closer.
I've got my fingers crossed that as soon as the hiring freeze is over at BYU my husband can get a position in the Math Ed. department. Oh, that would be so great!
I think most writers have that 'uh oh' moment where they wonder what on earth they are doing. I know I have, and sometimes it's because I've 'taken a wrong turn,' and sometimes it's just because I'm over-thinking the process.
Creativity is an act of faith, really, when you look at the bare bones of it. What well of inspiration do we draw from repeatedly--be it in writing, art, music?
And yet that's we do as artists--over and over and over again :)
PS--BYU is hiring for necessary positions only, so keep checking the employment site. They are currently hiring for some FT faculty positions...
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